4 Ingredients to Successful Family Relationships

Are you married with children?
Living in Western Society?
Has life become so busy that there is no longer time for just you?
Are you AND your partner, due to divided loyalties,   spending every waking moment with your child(ren)?
When's the last time you and your partner were out on
A DATE?

As we move through life, we pass developmental milestones.
As babies, we're expected to roll over, sit, eat solid foods, crawl then walk by a certain age.
As children, we're expected to learn the three "R's"... Reading, Writing, and  aRythmetic.
As teens, we're groomed to move towards independence.
In our youth, we're expected to complete post secondary education, find a job, and find a lifetime partner.
From there, we may become engaged, plan a wedding and/or elope, or scrap it all by committing to a "common law" relationship, and plan a home together.
Then the next expectation comes along: kids...............One? Two? Three? More?

Now I ask: Have you taken a breath yet?

As we move through these life cycles, we DO forget to pause (or breathe). We forget to pay attention to the lifelong dreams and goals we had: find our soulmate, settle down, and live happily ever after.

Sound like a fairy tale? It CAN be done.

Here's how:

There are 4 ingredients to a successful family relationship...
1) you, 2) your partner, 3) you and your partner, AND 4)  your family unit together.    

The SECRET? Protected time for each. In other words, ensuring that each "ingredient" has time that is theirs, and theirs alone.

For example:

1) and 2) Both you and your partner take time SEPARATELY on your own for self care, fun, friends, exercise, entertainment, travel...whatever you agree to, on a regular basis. This will provide you with the "oxygen" you need so that when you are with each other and/or the family unit, you will feel strong rather than depleted and/or burnt out.

3) You and your partner together...This is where you make time for DATES! Weekly, bi-weekly, monthly...whenever it is "doable". Dates remind you as to why you chose to spend your lives together in the first place!  Dates can be an hour to several hours long. Some dates last overnight, to week(s) at a time. Whatever you do, the importance is protecting that time together...without the kids! (BONUS-the kids may actually look forward to time without their parents :)

4) Your family unit together...let's face it: once we have children, don't we most often spend most of our time as a family unit (until the kids become teens and we have to beg them to "chill" with us)? However, along with the gifts being together with the family bring, there are also the challenges. YOU know what I mean!

So...in closing, ensuring that there is a harmonized balance between you, your partner, both of you together, and your family together can help you and your family be happy...more often!

For more details, and/or for more support for you, you and your partner and/or your family, call me,
Alyson Pancer, BSW, MSW, RSW,Clinical Social Worker/CBT and Mindfulness Therapist @ Continuum Wellness, 416-913-3080 ext 302, www.continuum wellness.ca